#this is a start of my sudden medic obsession dont ask me why i dont have the answer myself

[olderwest]

flower basket

[thrani]

DONT IGNORE ASSUMING ITS A SIMPLE POST. I AM FEELING ALONE SO I EXPRESSED IT HERE,KINDLY READ IT.

I think that two people are linked at the heart, and it doesn't matter what you do, who you are, or where you reside; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are meant to be together. Having gone through a long one-sided relationship, I never call it a relationship to start with as it was always one-sided, but the man I was with always gave me a vibe that he is into it.

Being a small-town girl stepped into a City, with eyes full of dreams to pursue the career of my interest. I was brought up with a mindset purely dedicated and devoting my hours to studying, and progressing each day. I am someone who used to think relationships are waste of time and worthless, they include a lot of fights, ego clashes, and Cryings cause that's how I saw my friends in toxic relationships. I made up my mind to never enter into a relationship once I step into Med school. I cleared my medical entrance and got into one of the very best Med schools in my country.

That came as a sudden hit but gradually we started talking more and more and our conversations over call lasted for 5-6 hours, eventually, I started gifting him whatever he asks for, and in 3 months the worth of the gift reached whooping USD$3500. I never regretted the amount I spent on him, but he is embarrassed to be with me in public, he gives a statement that I am not like all boys to be clingy when others are watching, he maintains that distance, he never texts me, I have to crave for his time, he kisses me or used to become physical with me, shower love up on me whenever I give him a gift!! We drifted apart for our internship in our final year of medicine that was when I realized that he was using me cause he never called me, I have to call him, but he never texts me, I have to be the first person to text him, he never misses me, I am the one who says I love you he simply smiles at it and never replies back. After 4 years of dilemma, I got clarity he was never connected to me, the reason why it took 4 years cause he used to say he loves me and he got connected to me but he can't take a relationship, he doesn't want a relationship and he used to flirt with other girls give attention to them, text them, it felt humiliating. I used to crave and long for his attention, and time, I made my entire world like him, and never gave attention to friends, I was solely lost in his thoughts, loving him and being obsessed with him. It's taking me so much courage to come out, even now I look at notifications on my mobile craving for him, I didn't speak to him about this I didn't say him I want to move away from him even now I am getting fooled by him, cause I got addicted to him.

There is an existence outside of a bond. And, unfortunately, that is the reality we take for granted. We devote almost all of our efforts to mending our love lives, nurturing, preserving, and hoping for them. And in the process, we disregard what is deeply intimate to us, our own lives. And this isn't just true for individuals who are desperate for someone to say yes. It is also true for individuals who are already in a partnership. They are so short-sighted that they cannot see beyond their relationship. What about your own life, personality, job, goals, mental peace, development, happiness, nightmares, and space? Do you ever settle down and reflect? No. I'm not suggesting that compromises and adjustments are terrible in a bond. I applaud you for being so adaptable and caring. My issue is that you did not appreciate that individual in addition to yourself. Why did you stop appreciating yourself? Why have you become so... unrecognizable? Don't you want to be yourself again? Don't you think so? Think.

[fiftyshadesgrl]

Wrecked part 14

Two months later.....

All had been quiet surprisingly around the sanctuary. Negan made weekly trips to alexandria for supplies and to keep rick in line. I was always left behind like always because now my bump had become more visible and i wasnt able to hide it anymore. Negan had yet to acknowledge the baby, never feeling the baby move, never coming to the medical tent with me for a checkup.

Although i was beginning to be happy with the thought of becoming a mother, my heart ached because the man i love, the father, seemed like he didnt care. Every night i went to bed alone and slept most of the night alone. Negan would slip into bed sometime before sunrise for just a few hours then he was back up again. He always kept his back to me, never reaching for me like he used to he hadnt even wanted me sexually since that one day in the woods.

I sat down in the kitchen while everyone else was outside doing their jobs, i knew soon negan would come in from patroling and i needed to talk to him. I planned on it at least, whether he will listen or not is the thing.

A few minutes later everyone started filling the room for lunch. I watched the door as people began to come in, only negan was nowhere in sight. I sat drumming my fingers on the table and watched as simon and dwight walked in but no negan. I grunted in frustration as i stood pushing my chair back as i did. "Wheres negan?" I asked simon catching him just before he headed in the kitchen.

Simon shrugged and walked away which only frustrated me more. I turned and made my way to the doors, hoping to find him outside somewhere. As i pushed the door open it hit a solid body on the other side. Negans eyes met mine, angry at first but softened just a tad upon seeing it was me. "You should be inside eating lunch." His voice held no emotion.

"Not hungry. I was actually looking for you." I shut the door behind me.

He sighed as his eyes searched the perimeter, avoiding looking at me at all costs. "Well, you found me."

"Negan, i wanted to ask you if you would come with me after lunch to my checkup." The muscle in his jaw twitched as he seemed to have a internal battle with himself.

"I cant stop everything to go play fuckin doctor." He said between clenched teeth.

I placed my hand on his arm, he flinched at the simple touch. "Please, dont you want to see our baby?" He continued to ignore me, butt i had had enough. I shoved against him not making much of a difference in his stance but it got his attention. "What the hell is with you lately? You chased after me when i left and basically demanded i come back here. You said you missed me, but you do everything in your damn power to avoid me! Why keep me here if this is how its going to be?"

"I have more important things to do than this fuckin bullshit! I brought you here to keep you fuckin safe. What kind of a man and a leader would i fuckin be if i left a pregnant woman to fend for her fuckin self in the fuckin woods!" He yelled but he wasnt the only one who was angry.

I took a deep steadying breath, my hand raised before i could stop myself. The shock on his face probably matched mine as my palm connected with his cheek. "Im not just any woman. I am the woman carrying your child." I whispered menicingly, "dont act like youre the hero here. I wouldve done just fine on my own, you didnt save me negan. You saved yourself, your pride. Your wife defied you then left, guess that makes the big bad wolf look pretty weak doesnt it."

I more heard than saw his grip tighten around the handle of the infamous bat. I smirked and took a step toward him until our bodies were touching. His nostrils flared his teeth gritting as the anger shown on his face.

"I can see it in your eyes how bad you wanna bash my head in at this moment. Go ahead, do it." I whispered. He stood there for a minute seemingly contemplating on doing it. He placed his hand on my chest and for a brief moment i thought i may have got through to him, but the moment he nudged me backwards i knew different.

"You are testing my fuckin patience." He growled.

I smirked and moved right back in his face again. "You think im scared of you? Guess what, im the one person thats still breathing who doesnt give a shit about your empty threats."

He opened his mouth to say something when all of a sudden a gunshot rang out, not even a second later a bullet hit the side of the building right between me and negan. The next thing i knew the door flew open and me and negan both were pulled inside by simon as other saviors ran out of the building.

Negan pushed me behind one of the metal counters then kneeled beside me. "Stay the fuck down until we get the all clear." Another shot rang out as one of the men outside yelled in pain. Then more gunfire rang out from outside the sanctuary, far away and close.

Negan grabbed a walkie talkie that was on the counter, "someone tell me what the fuck is going on!"

A few moments later simon was heard on the other end. "Its rick! Son of a bitch has got some balls."

"No fuckin shit! Head to the vantage point, ill meet you there." I grabbed negans arm as he started to leave.

"Im coming with you." I shouted over the noise.

"The fuck you are!" I stood and ran to the back to get my guns, negan following close behind me. He grabbed my arm and spun me around facing him. "Youre fuckin pregnant."

"And im a damn good shot. One of the best here. You know that." I wasnt giving in. "Ill head to the tree line, they wont even see me."

His lips pressed against mine suddenly, surprising me. When we parted i felt the cold metal and heard the click of handcuffs against my wrist. The other end was attached to the metal counter top. I pulled until i felt the metal bite into my wrist. Negan was smiling as he made his way to the door. "See ya later doll."

@holylulusworld @tftumblin @an-unhealthy-obsession @jesseswartzwelder @justanotherwinchester @kingdomkey13 @nikki082489 @tcquotes @thequeenreaders @aubageddon91 @imaginesforthepeople

[celestialand]

it’s just frustrating because i feel like i havent been given much of a choice in this matter. here take the cat. also why is this so sudden? when you told me the past two weeks you’re keeping her because remus loves her and she’s grown on you. it’s just upsetting. my cat barely leaves my room. i don’t know what my new roommate’s opinion on cats is. i have no fucking money, i can’t spay her or even afford to take on another cat. my cat does not enjoy other animals GOD FORBID you put another female near her, she’ll flip her goddamn lid. like i get it, i insisted on keeping her. totally get it. but i’m not in a place financially to keep this cat. at this point i’m gonna have to start ubering to get groceries. I don’t even have a car. where was the conversation? i don’t know. i feel disrespected. i’m not in a place where i can even talk to anyone. I feel fucking alone. i’m depressed and i’m failing and i’m broke and i keep fucking up. i wish i had the will to do things. i wish i didn’t feel weighed down. i feel like i’m emotionally carrying fifty pounds around my neck. i cant get out of bed. i dont wanna do any of my work. even things that brought me joy are starting to become tiresome. i’m scared. but at this point.. i wanna stay on my anxiety medication because I’m thin. I like my shape. I like that I don’t have an appetite. it’s horrible. but i can’t help it. my heart has hurt for so long now. since august i’ve been just broken and beat down. i haven’t felt like myself in months. i bury myself in my obsessions. i want to let go. i wanna give up. i feel alone. i feel unappreciated. i’m so far from my home. i feel guilt asking my mother for anything because she has it worse. i cant get a job. my car is gone and i won’t even officially graduate in may. i have no identity.